Rant #640: Wrestling to Get My Mind Off Things

Saturday was one of the strangest days I have ever experienced.

In the morning, we put our dog Max to sleep. He was a fine dog and I know he is in dog heaven now.

In the afternoon, we had some people over--my wife's side of the family--for a holiday get together.

And during the evening, my son and I saw a WWE wrestling house show at nearby Nassau Coliseum.

A house show is sort of like a pre-rehearsal or a dry run. You are not going to see any championship belts change hands, and while you will see some stars, you will also see plenty of bums.

The wrestlers are allowed to show more of their skills at these shows, because really nothing is on the line, except to put on a good show for the crowd.

And they did during the roughly three-hour show on Saturday night.

Playing to what I would say was less than half of capacity--TV shows and pay per views regularly draw sold-out crowds there and around the world--the WWE superstars put on a good show.

They played everything to the hilt, and wowed the audience--probably 75 percent kids from the ages of 5 to 16--with their moves, and with their mouths.

The good guys played that up to the max, the bad guys did everything bad guys are supposed to do to be bad guys--they put down Long Island, they put down the rickety Coliseum, they put down their competitors.

But the good guys won every match, the bad guys lost every match, and the WWE sold a lot of T-shirts.

Perfect fare for a cold December night right before the holidays.

My son and I had a nice time there. Our seats weren't that great, but we could see everything pretty clearly.

The crowd--the smallest I have every seen for a wrestling show there--was very loud and vocal, and cheered on their favorites and hissed and booed the villains.

And for me, it was a perfect tonic for what happened earlier that day.

Our dog sat by us many days that my son and I watched wrestling on TV. Every Friday, we would make popcorn as we watched the Smackdown show, and Max just loved popcorn, so we threw him some as we watched the show.

He loved it, he really did.

So as I watched the wrestling show unfolding before me, I did think of Max once or twice.

And I am sure in dog heaven, he really enjoyed that.

Max 1997-2011 R.I.P.

Rant #639: Done

Well, almost.

My wife and I have decided that our dog must be put down.

And we are doing it this weekend.

Our dog, Max, has lived a good life, but he has not been the same dog the past several months.

He has cancer, plain and simple, and a bum hind leg to boot.

The cancer is in his left side, and the tumor has ballooned to the point that he can't use his leg, and he can't hold his bowels.

He is 14 and a half years old. He is a mixed breed terrier and pit bull, but don't let the pit bull part of him fool you; he is about the nicest dog that you would ever want to meet.

He barks a lot, which puts people off, but he wouldn't hurt a fly.

Max has lived a good life as a house dog, but I think that time has just about come to an end.

We adopted him from a shelter after losing another dog to a variety of physical ailments, and unfortunately, due to financial constrictions, we are going to have to bring Max to the pound for disposal, just like we did his predecessor.

I would love to have the vet do it, but it costs several hundred dollars, which my wife and I don't have.

So it will be like a death march tomorrow morning, but we will march in a car to the dog death camp.

My wife can't bear this, so my father will come with me, as he did with the other dog.

Max is not pictured here, but Max was a handsome, lovable dog in his day. He had his quirks, but he always knew when he did wrong... and when he did right.

I don't know about other animals, but dogs do have a soul.

And this poor soul, who we are telling ourselves that we are putting out of his misery by doing what we are going to do, will go to dog heaven.

And he will be in our hearts forever.

See you, Max. We will always love you.

Rant #638: One Day At a Time With Schneider

Another guy who had a tremendous influence on my youth is gone.

You might not know the name Bert Schneider, but he died on Monday at the age of 78.

No, he wasn't the Schneider from the TV show, "One Day At a Time."

No, this guy had a much more important role in Hollywood.

Bert Schneider was a key person in Hollywood's counter-culture movement in the late 1960s and early 1970s. The son of Columbia Pictures president Abraham Schneider, he somehow convinced his father that a teen-oriented rock show was needed on network TV, a show that would showcase the new, emerging talent that was playing out throughout the country.

Yes, there was "American Bandstand," and later, "Where the Action Is," but these Dick Clark productions weren't on in prime time. Schneider convinced his dad, sometime in 1964 or 1965, that the popularity generated by the Beatles could be compressed and repackaged in a half hour comedy show in prime time.

His father went for the idea, but who would star in show?

Jan and Dean were first mentioned, and then the Lovin' Spoonful. The Spoonful were what they were really going for--a lovable, daffy bunch who could play music--but then Schneider and his partner, Bob Rafelson decided that a created-for-TV group was more to their liking.

In 1965, an ad was placed for "Ben Franklin" types to audition for the TV show, and a horde of rock and roll types auditioned for these roles. Some were already established in the business, such as Paul Peterson, who was a star from "The Donna Reed Show." Others were just starting out, such as future Oscar winner Paul Williams.

But four guys were chosen, and the Monkees they became. Micky Dolenz, Davy Jones, Michael Nesmith and Peter Tork became overnight sensations, and solidified the newly named Raybert Productions as a force to be reckoned with.

Through the Monkees, Schneider and Rafelson brought long-hairs to living rooms around the world. The show was an unqualified success, and the music was among the best of the period.

And through this show, Schneider and Rafelson met Jack Nicholson, a partnership that would pretty much begin with the Monkees' film "Head" and which would continue for the next several years.

Using money that came from the Monkees project, Schneider and Rafelson were able to make "Five Easy Pieces and "Easy Rider," films that brought the counter-culture to the masses and which made people like Nicholson, Peter Fonda and Dennis Hopper massive stars.

He also produced other well known films, including "The Last Picture Show" and "Hearts and Minds," but it all started out with a little project called "The Monkees."

Schneider had been retired from the business for many years, but his legacy is an incredible one, one that most people really don't know about.

The films and TV shows that he was involved with live on on DVD, and his knack for capturing the moment really was pretty incredible. Of course, he had the proper Hollywood connections, which certainly helped, but his ability to launch new talent--remember, he also launched the career of director Peter Bogdanovich--was amazing.

Rest in peace, Bert. You done good.

Rant #637: Patty Dukes It Out At 65

Actress Patty Duke is 65 today.

I find that hard to believe, but it is true.

In the world where people worship Lindsay Lohan, it is hard to believe that just about 50 years ago, people were holding Patty Duke in the same high esteem as they do Lohan today.

But it's like comparing apples with oranges, isn't it?

Duke was one of the younger stars of the pre-Beatles era who filled our minds just before we were going to get smashed upside the head by the four lads from Liverpool.

She was hot as a pistol. She won an Academy Award for her portrayal of a young Helen Keller in "The Miracle Worker," and the world was literally her oyster.

She even had her own TV show, "The Patty Duke Show," and that is where I first encountered this young actress.

The show had not only one of the all-time great TV theme songs, but the theme song played off a gimmick: the versatile Duke played two characters on the show: a typical, nutty, fun-loving teenager, and her cultured, European cousin.

They would go to the same high school in Brooklyn Heights, but the fact that they looked so alike--heck, they could have been twins!--led to most of the show's comedy.

The show was funny in an almost subtle way. I know that I laughed out loud at this show when I was a kid, but now, the laughs are a little more subdued--especially when you know Duke's back story.

Duke suffered from mental illness, which was made worse by the fact that she didn't really know who she was until years later. She was mentally abused by many, and the realization that the Patty Duke everyone knew was not the real Patty Duke--her actual name was Anna--stifled her career after the mid to late 1960s.

Through all of this, she still acted, appeared on every game show there ever was, and continued to stay visible, especially during the 1970s when she was married to actor John Astin. She had several children, including actor Sean Astin, and the public persona pretty much took hold of the private persona.

She has come clean with her troubles, and, at 65 seems to finally be happy in the skin that she is in.

But as one of the first public personalities to come clean about her own mental illness, she was something of a pioneer.

So to Patty Duke, happy birthday, and many more.

And she is 65? I still can't believe it.

I guess she will always indelibly be in my mind as that wacky, crazy teen on "The Patty Duke Show."

Rant #636: The Incredible Hulk

It is incredible how Hulk Hogan's name constantly is in the news.

While 30 years ago, it was for all the right reasons--he was the top wrestler in the world, and his popularity helped bring professional wrestling to a new level--today, it is for all the wrong reasons.

The latest one is that the Hulkster--Terry Bollea on his birth certificate--is suing his ex-wife for defamation.

Evidently, Hulk's ex-wife claims in a memoir and in interviews to promote that tome that not only did he brutally attack her while they were married, but that he had an affair with another person.

And the other person just happens to be ex-wrestler Brutus Beefcake.

She claims the Hulkster had his Beefcake and ate it too, I guess.

Of course, Hogan says that this is nothing but a pack of lies from a vindictive ex-spouse.

"If any of that was true, I would admit it, and I was a homosexual I would embrace it," he is reported to have said in news reports. "It's just so crazy to hear, so I have a real problem with it. ... If you're going to say I'm something that I'm not to try to ruin my career and my livelihood ... I have to answer her back."

The Hulkster has been happily married to his current wife--who looks just like his former wife, but much younger, of course--for a year now, but his divorce has been anything but amicable.

Both sides have leveled various charges against the other over the past several months, and it doesn't appear as if it is going to stop anytime soon.

So much for amicable divorces! I can tell you from personal experience that there isn't any such thing. Both sides can appear to be pleasant toward each other, but let's face it, there had to be something to divide the two, and you just know that there is something kicking inside of at least one of them that makes the prospect of a "happy" divorce completely impossible.

Are the charges true? At this point, it really doesn't make any difference whether they are true or not. It is pretty much all water under the bridge.

Hulk and his ex are divorced, they have each seemingly moved on with their lives--his ex is dating a guy who is probably less than half her age--and that should be that.

But his ex keeps on bringing things up, negative things about the Hulkster.

Again, who knows if they are true, but I see a very vindictive ex-wife here.

They have two children to parent. That should be their focus, and not this nonsense.

But I can tell you, again from personal experience, that the nonsense seems to always creep into whatever happens in the family that is rocked by divorce.

And what of Brutus Beefcake? What does he have to say about this mess that he has been drawn into?

Nobody has heard from him at all at this point in time. Maybe the former "Barber" has taken the best tack in this whole thing.

Just don't say anything.

Rant #635: Holiday Flops

I am sure that you heard that this past weekend was the worst in the past three years for the movie industry.

In fact, even fewer people went to the movies this past weekend then went to theaters right after the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

"Only" $77 million was made this weekend. The top film was the flop "New Year's Eve," a film that will probably wind up on most "worst" lists for 2011. It recorded a "paltry" $13.7 million in ticket sales. It was followed by another new movie, the dreadfully reviewed "The Sitter," and the other top movies included "The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn-Part 1," "The Muppets," "Arthur Christmas," "Hugo," "The Descendants," "Happy Feet Two," "Jack and Jill," and "Immortals."

Each and every one of these films received poor to horrible reviews when they came out--including "The Descendants," sorry George Clooney fans--and heck, with this slate of films, why would anyone want to go to the movies today?

My wife and I have been talking about this recent slate of holiday movies, and I cannot ever remember a worse lineup of movies during holiday-time ever.

And I mean ever.

The next "blockbuster" that is supposed to thrill us is the "Sherlock Holmes" sequel. You know, the sequel where Robert Downey Jr.'s portrayal as a lazy slob superhero--Arthur Conan Doyle is probably turning in his grave--will continue. My family saw the first one, and even though my wife just loves Downey, she even said that it was one of the worst movies she ever saw.

So we won't be going to the movies for a long, long time.

I don't know where Hollywood's head is. The either remake movies or retread old ideas, and let me tell you, it generally does not work.

My parents were the type of people who used to go to the movies every week. And they continued going every week--they are now both 80 years old--until the past few months. They just can't justify spending $9 or more on the slate of films that Hollywood is releasing nowadays.

And don't be fooled by the dollar figures. Remember, movies cost about $9 a ticket now, and a couple of dollars higher for 3D fare. So while revenues have probably increased, the number of tickets sold has actually decreased.

And also, let's not forget that if you want to eat anything at the movie theater, you are going to have to pay for it, and pay for it with a lot of money.

So for a family of four, a movie day can cost over $50.

Why go to the movies? You can see the same trash, and save money, at home.

We did just that. My wife and I rented--and I really mean we rented because there was nothing else out there--a movie called "Bad Teacher," a film which certainly spells the end of Cameron Diaz's movie career.

She plays a teacher who is only in it for the money for a future boob job.

Yes, you read that right.

Diaz--who was never my cup of tea anyway--is horrific in this movie, as is her former real life boyfriend, Justin Timberlake.

The movie is embarrassing.

But we paid just $1.30 to see it through the local Redbox machine.

What trash.

And I know the other day I said that the "Three Stooges" movie looks interesting.

It does--but I pretty much expect that to be trash too.

But yes, I will probably fork over my money to see this trash.

Movies are a habit, and even though my family and I don't go regularly anymore, I wouldn't say the recent garbage put out by Hollywood is its death knell.

Dopes like me will always go to the movies, even if it isn't a weekly occurrence anymore.

But please, Hollywood, please put out something that is worth seeing.

Please!