Rant #1,088: Horror Scope

I don't normally look at my horoscope, but today I did just that.

Here is what it had to say:

"It's still not a good time for entering agreements or trying to get anywhere with job searches. You are much better off staying home and working on your issues there -- if that's possible."

Heck, I would love to stay home and "work on my issues"--but on the other hand, I want to get paid for working on "issues," so I have to go to work.

It is funny how horoscopes are supposed to directly mirror what is going on in your life, but they never really do.

I don't have any agreements pending, and I am not looking for a new job.

I've been at my current place of work for 17 and a half years, I am 56 years old, so who else is going to hire me anyway?

I don't know what the horoscope means by "issues," other than the fact that at work, we are trying to put together our December issue of the magazine I am associate editor for.

And as for staying home, as I said, I would love to do just that!

But it doesn't put food on the table.

I remember that during the days of Johnny Carson, Merv Griffin and the like, they used to have on, on occasion, a psychic or a horoscope person, who supposedly would be able to predict the future.

I remember one in particular, Joyce Jillson, a willowy, very pretty blond with a great body who had failed as an actress (she was in this film called "Superchick," I mean, that should tell you all you need to know) and had moved on to doing stuff like this.

And she was very successful at it, having a syndicated column seen by millions of people every day.

She would tell us basically what we wanted to hear about the future, and I guess that is all she was supposed to do.

But I always thought that if she could accurately predict what was going to happen, why didn't she win the lottery?

Yes, Merv and Johnny are both gone, as is Jillson, and it is all a bunch of nonsense.

I think I will do exactly what my horoscope says for me not to do and see how it plays out. 

What have I got to lose?

And if everything goes awry, then I can say that my horoscope was accurate, and I will become a believer!

No, on second thought, I will just go with the flow today.

I don't need anything to disrupt my life, especially right before the holidays come around.

Joyce Jillson, R.I.P.

You have been gone for some time now, I didn't believe a word you said, but at least you were nice to look at when you were here.

And that was more important than a horoscope to this Taurean, any day of the week.